| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
|
|
Save This Page Links 
allspectrum.info How You Answer This Question Can Change Your Marriage
Imagine the following scenario. Your spouse has given you an important letter to mail and is counting on you to mail it on your way to work. But you slip up...you forget all about it until you're on the way home. "Oh, #$@!!" is your first reaction. You know the spouse will be upset. You frantically search the car and your briefcase for the letter, but it's gone. You can't find it anywhere. Now what do you do? What will you tell your spouse when you get home and he (or she) asks you if you mailed the letter? Will you say, "It got lost" or will you say, "I lost it"? Your answer to this question gives insight into your willingness to accept responsibility for your actions. According to Sidney J. Harris, "We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until ...we have stopped saying 'It got lost,' and say 'I lost it.'" As long as you avoid taking responsibility for your actions or you look for reasons to avoid admitting you goofed, you're not being honest with yourself. When you accept responsibility and stop rationalizing and blaming, then you can start to focus on what you can do differently that will produce different results next time. This is not easy to do. Especially if you're in the habit of placing blame elsewhere. Accepting responsibility in a marriage takes courage, above all when a spouse is at fault. Mark, a long-time procrastinator, always had a list of reasons why he hadn't been able to get around to doing the house maintenance chores. It was too cold or too hot, he was too tired,or he didn't have the right tools or enough time. He would always promise to do the chores another day. Mark's behavior greatly irritated his wife Anne,and she began to resent his constant excuses. It wasn't until Anne expressed her dissatisfaction with their marriage, giving Mark's habitual procrastination as one of the reasons,that Mark really looked closely at how his behavior was hurting his marriage relationship. In marriage counseling sessions, he learned to take responsibility for his part in what happened each day. He also learned to pay attention to the words he selected to describe what happened. Mark learned that when he said, "There wasn't enough time to fix the faucet," he often really meant, "I didn't schedule enough time to complete the job today." And if he went a step further and was even more honest, he also meant,"I don't really want to do this, so I'm putting it off." Once Mark was more aware of his behavior patterns, he was able to have an honest talk with Anne. He told her that while he didn't mind doing some of the repair jobs, he really didn't want to have to spend the time the others would require. They talked it over and decided to hire someone to do the repairs Mark knew he would in all probability never get around to doing. He made a resolution not to make promises unless he really planned to keep them. He also resolved to be honest with Anne upfront instead of dragging things out for months. These changes made a major difference in Mark and Anne's relationship. Anne didn't feel like "the nagging wife" any longer, and Mark didn't mislead her by making false promises. Less friction in the marriage allowed them time to focus on each other's good points and to enjoy more harmony in their relationship. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Wedding Invitation Tips and Advice You're well into planning your wedding and have finally decided on the design of your wedding invitation. The wording has been chosen and the guest list is well on its way to completion. How to Save Money on Wedding Photography All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the wedding day. But to get it, you have to hire a skilled photographer--and unfortunately, they usually cost several thousand dollars. Bridal Shower Games Are Extremely Fun! Bridal shower games are a wonderful way to put your guests at ease and to get the party started! Ideally, bridal shower games should be easy to play and should provide guests with an interactive way to interact with one another in a casual and fun way. Fortunately, there are lots of games you can choose to play. Before You Begin Marriage Counseling, Ask This Question There's an important question that you need to ask the marriage counselor you and your spouse are considering using. The question itself may surprise you, as well as the answer your potential counselor gives. How to Make Your Wedding Vows Something You'll Remember Forever If you're going the increasingly popular route of personalizing your own wedding vows, you're probably looking for some tips to make your vows as special, meaningful, and eloquent as you can. This is something that will take time beforehand so that you can prepare yourself and become completely comfortable with what you're saying. Wedding Photography - Tips for a Wonderful Session Every couple wants wonderful photos of their wedding day that capture the celebration, details, romance and beauty. Here are a few tips for a successful photo session:1. Understanding Celtic Wedding Rings Thousands of years ago, the Celts, a group of independent tribes spread throughout much of current day Europe, were sophisticated artisans, carving knot work patterns that have inspired modern day jewelers to create wedding rings. These motifs have meaning. Exotic Island Wedding! Where Dreams Truly Come True in Paradise As a travel professional considering an exotic island wedding was a logical choice, but having to convince a strong Catholic family was the challenge I faced! I was never a traditionalist in the sense, and I have attended so many conventional weddings with a church ceremony and post-reception in the past, I wanted to do something different and special for the most important day of my life!Island weddings have been around for quiet some time, but in my opinion, they seemed to be perceived more for renewal of vows and second marriages, however, as our lifestyles change, we separated ourselves from tradition, and an exotic wedding on a spectacular island seemed like a dream in paradise for me.I met the love of my life a few years ago in travel school, and as our love for each other became apparent my only thought was, what if she doesn't want to have an island wedding? Knowing that her family is Catholic, and tradition is very important to them, I thought to myself, was my ambition of having a romantic wedding on an island not going to be a reality?Even though I expected the worst-case scenario, the family was very understanding and accepted both our wishes with open arms, so the rest was history! The planning for our special event had begun, and with some consideration we both agreed on having our anticipated wedding on the exotic destination island of Cuba. Balance - Wedding Budget Blues Let's think about what goes into your wedding budget. Your caterer/banquet facility will get the lion's share of it. Italian Honeymoon Vacations Going to Italy on a honeymoon vacation could be the best turning point in your romance as you venture in this place full of romantic pursuits and mesmerizing love. The places worth visiting in this popular land of exotic Mediterranean culture are the Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, the canals of Venice and the cathedrals. The Marriage Test Love should not blind a couple to the realities of their legal status of husband and wife, for they are bound by an unwritten contract of marriage governed by the laws of the federal government, the state they live in and the decisions of the judiciary. Every bride and groom must learn that the state is at the altar with them. Weddings - Who Pays For What? Of course, times have changed and there are occasions where the traditional ways to pay for the wedding do not apply. But if you are like most people, here's the breakdown of who exactly pays for this thing (should you continue this traditional pattern):The Family of the Bride -All of Ceremony (flowers, decorations, announcements, programs, church fees, photographer/videographer, wedding favors, etc?)All of Reception (music, food, wedding cake, decorations, flowers, etc?)Wedding gown and accessoriesFather's tuxedo and mother's outfit. Getting Great Deals on the Wedding Clothes If you are planning to have a full wedding that includes bridesmaids, and groomsmen etc. it could run you a great deal of money to cover your gown as well as the other women and men's clothing as well. Celtic Wedding Rituals -- Tying the knot One of the most elegant rituals you can choose for a wedding is the traditional Celtic hand fasting. After the vows, the bride and groom's wrists are bound together with five colored ribbons, each symbolizing an aspect of marriage and their shared commitment. Caricature Entertainment: A Surefire Way to Liven Up Your Wedding Celebration Caricature entertainment will make your wedding celebration stand out and be remembered.If you've never seen caricatures drawn at an event, you'll be amazed when you see how popular they are with guests. Tahiti Honeymoon Resorts: Fun-tastic Experience Tahiti honeymoon resorts are the best places you could think of when you think of a romantic and passion filled honeymoon. Tahiti is the picture perfect place for your honeymoon. The Bachelor Party: A Guide For The Best Man If you forget the ring, there is still a chance that you might be forgiven. If you throw a poor bachelor party, you might as well throw away your friendship. How to Recognize and Cope with an Emotional Affair Did you know that an emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage as a physical affair, and sometimes more so? And that spouses who never had any intention of cheating can unwittingly become enmeshed in an emotional affair?Many spouses will shrug off questions about an emotional affair with the reply that "It's harmless" or "We're just friends." They fail to see the damage that the emotional closeness with someone outside of the marriage is doing to the primary relationship. Make Sure You Do: Before You Say "I Do" Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of her hit song; What's Love Got To Do With It? Yes love is important but love don't pay the bills. It is not be enough to be "in love. Symbolism of Wedding Rings "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." -C.
|
